Monday, May 17, 2010

why don't you

why don't you just slit my wrists open?
       because its easy, you do that pretty good yourself

Friday, May 7, 2010

joy

i will remember as i remember how to breath, the roof where we balance between the sun and the wind, your eyes reflecting my shiny bright blue shape because i am made of rainbows when i yell in between laughter and fear that you might let me fall. just jump. i will remember the hands catching me as i let go, the sheets laid on the roof so i wouldn't scar. the pillows so my head could rest. above all i will remember you pushed me up, that it was up you pushed me. up on the roof under which your room lays its warm walls around me and there is no water. and we drink until there is no more water, again. and we drink. i will write underneath your pictures, above them, on them. and with no water we will go on drinking. laughing so loud the neighbors will suspend life to breath it in. stretching between 1966 and 1986 a roof where we stand upon. for on the ground only grass, busy ants, and the pillars that sustain our roof between here and forever.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

insanity

insanity killing love, love being killed by spurs of insanity that travel with us all our life yes, that I had seen, that I know...but insanity that prevents you from being loved, that kills the love within you, insanity that digs deep dark wells where i cannot even peek creating a horror of misery and alienation...no, not that... Ave Maria, Mother of Mercy, Sweetness of Life, Hope of ours, Hail... pray for us so that we are worthy of the promises of Christ. I am good and kind, my wells have never been your wells. Those dark wells are on tv alone, not among us, not among us. I'm afraid.

dead or deaf?

 i can't hear it beat anymore.
are we dead?
or just deaf?

Holy Mother, Holy Father

i don't wait for you anymore for it has been half a millennium you carved yourself inside of me
where you are what you do with whom you are matters little or maybe nothing

silver and gold engraved in skin

yours or mine
 matters so little

i just wished the branding had made us saner


 





Tuesday, May 4, 2010

cole porter (and us)

the man i love
sat diligently facing me
every single day
for more days than i can count
for my memory is gone
he looked at me and smiled
and came my way
and i talked to that man
in front of my face
offering me solace
and scents long gone
from my body
absent
for so many years
it took me so long to understand
it took me a little while
to hold his hand
the man i love came my way
i do my best to make him stay
he looks at me and smiles
and understands
he came Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
and Friday
and slowly built a home
for two
while i looked astounded
he looked at me and smiled
I understand
and though it seems absurd
I know we both won't say a word
when we sit on the roof
staring
onto
up above

why?

another second has passed
and the pieces of glass
in the center of my eyes
still
shed
tears
of
blood
that swirl with the silence
in the middle of your room

why?
if happiness used to stand still on the window sill?
why?

honey bee

honey bee talk to me
the summer will be over
the ants will sleep
my golden skin
hidden under the bright light
of our hands
holding the rays away
honey bee don't sting me
if you do i will cry
if you do you might die
honey bee let's cross the ocean
to the other side
on an Italian vessel
where bugs and bees look just
like you and me
honey
bee
be
the one i know you to be
hold on to the honey
don't let it drip
unless my mouth is passing underneath
in which case
i'll stick my tongue out
feel it
sticky sweetie
you and me

silence is still something

silence is still something
she said
so i guess i can hear something
but maybe because my English is broken
and your Portuguese is shattered
i can only hear bits of silence
that tell me very little
that maybe you slept
that maybe you left
that maybe happiness has stepped out
for sadness is what lingers
in-between these bits of silence
through which i put my ear against the wall
trying to hear
i wait
and wait
and wait
i don't know exactly for what
but i wait
since i can't hear you
and thus being i can't leave
for silence is like a knot around my wrists
tied around my neck
everytime i push it
it suffocates me a little more
i can't hear you love
didn't you say you love me?...
          

Monday, May 3, 2010

67

crying so very much and laughing loud and clear
we are 67 years old
endless laughter on nonsense jokes
rasp moves and outbursts
to make us laugh
to make us cry
while the stars on my face
have long ago imprinted on yours
and all my As dripped onto Ps
and all the Ws onto 4 more
all the Cs
dripped onto Gs
and Cs
and probably at least 6 more
according to her wishes
i clean the counter
and don't eat
i'm resolved to wait till you learn
Portuguese
i can go without eating for a really long time
i can wait until it is time to jump
off the airplane
hand in hand and the heart on our backs
about to open loose a parachute
so we land laying down slowly
easily
quietly
what language do they speak in Heaven?
Maybe we can go for a bite then...