fibromyalgia

i don't talk about it often
and i do not carry a cross
in front of my head
no one sees it
not even me
i look closely onto the mirror
and there's maybe a frown
that gives it away
before 5 pm
before i tumble in-between
my own arms and legs
before i howl inside like
a mad dog
about to be put down
but no one puts me down
end this misery
i ask
end it
i can't stand the pain anymore
but no one can find it
for it hid so nicely inside of me
only myself can feel it creeping from all sides
but not even myself can pull it out
can you help me?

i'm afraid not,
that was the answer he didn't utter
he just walked away
and has never again
returned a single phone call