on the couch

you hear the pounding of the heart inside
in the beginning
and in the end
you feel the stomach tightening
the skin crawling
sometimes you feel the throat burning
I'll just sit on the couch
not smoking
no smoking
I can drink maybe
but a drunken old woman is no sight
for sore eyes
maybe I'll be blind
or almost blind
maybe I'll shut the lights off
all the time
and think of you
how you smoked sitting on the orange couch
in the dark of the nights
and I could guess you were there from the orange tip
burning slowly in the night
will you keep me company again?
will you come back from the dead to sit with me?
I don't smoke grandma,  you must come.