silence

its not that i'm afraid, i'm not
i'm just scared, in fear
so much fear
like the first time you left me
and i couldn't breath
at night
i breath i breath i breath
now
but my heart stops
in the middle of the afternoon
it stops
to remind me it can stop
at any time
at any time
just like you
you just left me there
and it was anytime
anytime
guessed in the pain
at the bottom of my stomach
when i looked through the window
your voice a memory
the future stopped
no more
so you see
its not that i'm afraid
for i breath
its that i don't know
because i breath
i still breath
even when it hurts so much
i have to sit still
and hold the silence
for even the silence
makes me throb
my body ready to leave me
for it hurts
everyday it hurts anyway
that's why tears fill the air
because salt and water
heal
they heal the scars in the lungs
in the core of my being
in the wood of my cannoe
they heal
like when a tree comes down
and the entire forest stops
it heals
i'm healing i say i'm healing
but my heart skips a beat or two
and wonders
what if not...?